Criticism. It may seem innocuous and receives less attention than other barriers to female career trajectory, but when poorly framed, it can silence the very characteristics that make women effective.

We are often taught that success comes when we operate in our purpose. Like fish created to swim and birds created to fly, people thrive when they are in environments that allow them to align with their design. It is a beautiful lesson. Disconnection from purpose, however, does not always come from chasing someone else’s path. It can also result from constant criticism of the very gifting meant to be the catalyst for success.

A recent conversation with my sister brought this into sharp focus. Constant negative criticism of the characteristics that form one’s core, can gradually disintegrate confidence and contribute to imposter syndrome. Research has shown that imposter syndrome is widely experienced by women in senior roles. I was hesitant to be another voice on this topic, given my lack of psychological credentials, but right there is the irony. Despite my lived experience and having progressed with overcoming imposter syndrome, the voice of doubt still whispers occasionally. 

Consider a young woman who receives a draft event programme. Some text is justified, some right aligned and some centred, with no clear reason for the differences. Spelling is optional and grammar is only occasionally hinted at. Naturally, she marks up the draft to address the deficiencies. The team labels her pedantic. The day before the event, she contacts each vendor and asks them to arrive early so equipment, lighting and timing can be tested. She is called controlling. On the day, she keeps everyone within their allocated time. She is labelled uncollaborative, and the discussion quickly shifts to whether a “calmer” person would be a better fit.

From an attendee perspective, the event is incredible. It runs smoothly and people would attend again. Yet there is no face attached to that success. Over time, the young woman decides to play ball. She becomes economical with feedback, avoids stirring the water and is welcomed back to the pack. Gradually, the events deteriorate, the bottom line suffers and eventually the block calls for a head.

In reality, she is a skilled event coordinator. Her natural attention to detail is what directs a good event. The environment is right and the design is apparent, yet she is not thriving. Her natural gifting has been silenced by criticism that failed to recognise the value it added. The result is poor performance, a weaker business outcome and a lack of personal fulfilment in her work. 

This young woman is a picture of many women in law and business, whose natural gifts are stifled because they do not fit a pre-existing mould. Women are arguably still newer entrants in many areas of law and business. Black women, even more so. Perhaps it is natural that certain entrenched characteristics are still being understood and embraced.

Criticism, especially of core characteristics, can feel deeply personal. It can destroy confidence and cause talented people to doubt their abilities. An aspect of career growth that is often overlooked is the discovery of identity, including the acknowledgement of one’s skills and a deeper understanding of self. The way we receive criticism is a question of identity, but so is the way we give it.

For leaders, managers and colleagues, the challenge is to distinguish between feedback that develops someone and criticism that diminishes them. Consciousness of how we offer criticism could be the difference between creating another victim of imposter syndrome or making room for another woman to thrive on the corporate ladder.

The adage is true: we thrive when we align with our purpose and design. The often-forgotten key is understanding our identity and protecting the characteristics that make us who we are, and doing the same for our peers. That is how each of us, in our uniqueness, can progress, and how organisations can benefit from the full strength of the women they have worked so hard to attract.

Written by Kuda Chimedza, Director in the Banking, Finance & Projects sector at commercial law firm Cliffe Dekker Hofmeyr